Real Deal

by Elaine Romanelli

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released May 20, 2010

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Elaine Romanelli New York, New York

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Track Name: Song About the Trees
The leaves are off the trees
Empty branches point to an early freeze
The warmth they strain to touch
Won’t come ‘til spring

I feel the same inside;
cold and yearning
with a pale, scarred hide
the salt you pour each day has left its sting

So I’ll go away
I may cry, but I’m keeping you at bay
I may get lonely and lost
but this has too high a cost
and I can’t stay

If you come, I’ll turn you down
I know I’ll miss you
But I can’t have you around
The flame you light in me leaks toxic fumes

You poison as you charm
You entrap me, when you hold me in your arms
You would bind my lips
Like secrets in locked rooms

So I’ll go away
I may cry, but I’m keeping you at bay
I may get lonely and lost
but this has too high a cost
and I can’t stay

You enthrall me with your touch
And our bodies align with such ease
I think I’ll always want you this much
But I can’t stay
This is crushing me

The leaves will bloom someday
They won’t stay barren
No matter what you say
They will bud with fragrant petals everywhere

I’ll survive without you near
It may be rocky
But I can find my way from here
I will rise and stretch new wings into the air

So I’ll go away
I may cry, but I’m keeping you at bay
I may get lonely and lost
but this has too high a cost
and I can’t stay

Yeah I’ll go today
I may cry, but I’m keeping you at bay
I may get lonely and lost
but this has too high a cost
You think I’m not strong
but I’ll be proving you wrong
I think I’ll flourish without
All your judgment and doubt
In my way

I’m gone today
Track Name: Lament
He's been gone for eight months now
In a place I cannot name
I don't sleep much through the night
But I lay down just the same
Worry lays beside me
Fills my aching head
Whispers her deceptions
Offers me her dread

Please don’t teach me what it really means to cry
Cry, cry cry

I knew when I met him
He was in as a career
But now the tours are longer
And they happen every year
Battered and exhausted
He returns worse every time
One heart can only take so much
Of the view from the front line

Please don’t teach him what it really means to cry...

He talks very little
Of the things that he has seen
I talk very little
Of my half-life in between
How I barely stand it
How the fear has left me worn
How I scarcely dream now
How I turn from God in scorn

He’s supposed to come back soon
We will head out on the town
I will wear my best clothes
Pray the chopper sets him down
Pray that he can still walk
That he still can smile
Worry curls around me
She will still be here a while

Please don’t teach me what it really means to cry....
Track Name: Merry-Go-Round
Stand on the pavement
Stare down the dusty trail
Wonder how far you could walk til the light fails

Stand at the crossroads
Stare down the empty streets
Wondering which way your head should direct your feet

Stand by the hope chest
Open the secret drawer
Stand with your brass key
Stare at the row of locked doors

Or stay on the merry-go-round
Stay buckled in so you can't leave the ground
Cling to that horse til they shut the thing down

and go round and around and around

Check with your family
Check with your horoscope
Tie on a flashlight
Tie on an extra rope

Take a few deep breaths
Think through the plans you made
Take off the training wheels
Try not to be afraid

Go for a test run
Go home and think some more
Go into hiding
Curl in a ball on the floor

Or stay on the merry-go-round
Stay buckled in so you can't leave the ground
Cling to that horse til they shut the thing down

and go round and around and around

Spinning in circles the motion intoxicates
Let yourself sink in your seat
Moving is better than standing there isn’t it
You’re doing something concrete

You’re riding a merry-go-round
Stay buckled in so you can't leave the ground
Cling to that horse even when they shut down

and go round and around and around

Just stay on the merry-go-round
Shut your eyes tight so you can't look around
Cling to that horse even when they shut down

and go round and around and around...
Track Name: Faust Revisited
I want to be beautiful
I want to be perfect
What deal with the devil
Do I have to make

And how much will it cost me
to finally be beautiful
How extreme are the measures
I’m willing to take

Will I recognize myself once it’s done
Will you be enchanted by
what a perfect girl I have become
Will I learn to hide the old
insecurity and doubt
When I am transformed
Into someone beautiful

I know there are trade-offs
If I want to be perfect
I know that the changes
Are for my own sake

But how much will be left in
When they’re done and I’m beautiful
What parts will be real
And what parts will be fake

And what about the light
That shines from within
Will it be displaced in time
By the perfectness of my new skin
Do you think I’ll rise above
insecurity and doubt
Will I still be kind
To people less beautiful

Will all my flaws be erased
Along with all of the lines on my face
Will I be happy as never was possible
Before I became beautiful?
Beautiful

I ache to be beautiful
And I yearn to be perfect
But I wonder if maybe by now it’s too late
‘Cause I grew up with this face
Which never was beautiful
So there’s years of old feelings
They’d have to replace

And what about the light
That shines from within
Will it be displaced in time
By the perfectness of my new skin
Do you think I’ll rise above
insecurity and doubt
Can I be transformed into someone beautiful

What if I am already beautiful
Track Name: Not a Love Song
You’ve been seducing me for years
And each time we meet you dance a little nearer
You magnetize me to stay here
You are hypnotic like a magic mirror

But my doubts swirl around
I won’t let this get off the ground
I run away

So this is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song
Not today

You have your faults, and so do I
But yours are catastrophically depressing
Yet when I’m with you, we get by
I find myself compulsively obsessing

What would I sacrifice
Is the thrill worth the price
Would I feel home at last

But this is not a love song
This is not a love song...
Not so fast

And yet I love the light you fling into the sky
I love your unsurpassable charm
I feel alive as nowhere else in life
With you

So please don’t twirl me round the floor
Do not caress the air around my shoulders
Our fit gets harder to ignore
Each dance away leaves me a little colder

You are like honey wine
Intoxicating over time
I love every taste I get

But this is not a love song...
Not yet
Track Name: Stupid Boy
It’s a tale you know well
I don’t have to tell you
There’s a kiss on your lips
and your body flies

You feel changed
You feel liquid
You are giddy

Then he never calls again
And you have no idea why

And every time it hurts just like the first time
And you swore you were smarter now than this


And all you want to listen to are sad songs
All you want to hear about are heartbreaking stories
You only want to listen to sad songs
You only what to talk about your heart breaking slowly
Only sad songs

It’s a tale with no known happy ending
it’s not clear what he thought
when he whispered those lines

there’s no hint of remorse
just the silence
go on: call him and ask
he may never say why

And every time you hate yourself for caring
And bitterness encroaches on your mind

So all you want to listen to are sad songs...
... you only what to talk about
your heart breaking lowly

Stupid boy
Stupid boy
Why’d you woo if you don't want her
Stupid girl
Stupid girl
Why’d you give him the your power

We all know you both felt strongly
We could see your bodies shaking
You weren’t faking when it happened
Was the truth of it too much for you to take

Don’t read books
Don’t write lists
Don’t say affirmations
Could be something you did
But you can’t fix it next time

You will fall just as hard for the next one
In a pheromonal daze
And you may never know why

And it will hurt as much as all the last times
And you will long for shelter from the grief

So go ahead and listen to sad songs...

I only want to listen to sad songs
I only want to hear about heartbreaking stories
I only want to listen to sad songs
I only what to talk about my heart breaking slowly

Only sad songs
Track Name: Fly
She came in all crumpled and deflated
She said I think that change is over-rated
Life is fine enough this way
But I said: for too long, you've been settling for Okay

And she said wait and I said why
And she said how and I said try
You have to close your eyes and take a breath and jump
And she said when and I said now
She said I'm scared, I don't know how
And I said, pack a bag and close the door and jump

And fly

And she said I need my filing cabinet
And all my underwear
And I love my kitchen table
And it won't fit in there

And I said GO and she said stop
How 'bout I try a little hop
I just can't close my eyes and take a breath and jump
I am not like you
I am not fearless through and through
I can't just pack a bag and close the door and jump

And fly

She said no thanks. I'm safe I'm comfortable
And it's too late anyway
And I'd miss my corner coffee shop
With its perfect caffe au lait.

And I said: Oh, can't you see
You've got a worry machine inside your head
And its fears weight you down
Like a load of lead
Try a little weightlessness instead

And she said wait and I said why...

And she said when and I said now
Ahe said I'm scared, I don't know how
But I will pack a bag and close the door and jump
And fly
Track Name: Naughty Lola
like snakes in the bathtub
constant distraction
insistent impulse
yearning for action

magnets to metal
instant attraction
craving an
involuntary contraction

whisper on skin
feel the burning begin
mmm

sweet salty sin
let your body give in
mmm

naughty Lola

like chocolate or whiskey
dip just your finger
run if you want to
but a tingle will linger

savory spices
sharp satisfaction
biting your tongue at the
spreading reaction

whisper on skin
feel the burning begin
mmm

sweet salty sin
let your body give in
mmm

naughty Lola
Track Name: Unapologetic
You don’t like my red hair
You don’t like my legs bare
You can’t stand my T-shirts
You sneer at my thrift skirts

I show off too much thigh
My makeup makes you cry
According to you there’s something wrong
with everything I put on

But I am unapologetic
I like how I look and I don’t regret it
It is your loss if you don’t get it
So take your reprobation
And walk it ‘cross the county line

You’re sure my ambition
Won’t come to fruition
'Cause I went to the wrong schools
I live by insane rules

You laugh at my paycheck
you call me a train wreck

According to you, something’s awry
with everything that I try

But I am unapologetic
Like how I live and I don’t regret it
It is your loss if you don’t get it
So take your condemnation
And walk it ‘cross the county line

I swallowed what you said
Your poison’s in my head
You taunt me when I sleep
Your hooks are buried deep

I’d hate you
But I realize
better to sympathize
You must be this broken
‘cause your dreams died unwoken

Lord, it must be painful to see
somebody living as they please

And oh, it ain’t you
It’s not you

You worry about my soul
My swearing takes its toll
If don’t go to church more
Lord knows what I’m in for

Your idea of heaven
is that my kind can’t get in

According to you I’m totally damned
for everything that I am

But I am unapologetic
I like who I am and I don’t regret it
It is your loss if you don’t get it
So take your condemnation
and walk it cross that line

‘cause I am
unapologetic
I’ll be damned if I regret it
It is your loss if you don’t get it

So take your condemnation
and shove it
where the sun don’t shine
Track Name: 3,000 Miles
Waking to a gentle breeze
Rolling in your rumpled linens
Kissing through the afternoon

Or lounging cradled in your arms
With coffee and the crossword puzzle
Humming to a bluesy tune

I’m three thousand miles
From you


I miss walking in the neighborhood
Trading all our daily stories
Basking under a sky so blue
Or shopping at the corner store
Then puttering around the kitchen
Simmering a homemade stew

I’m three thousand miles
From you

You are effortless deliciousness
Redolent of soap and sand
You unravel all my ancient riddles
Open them beneath your hands

Your hands on my skin
our breathing
the scent of two


Now I’m waking to a car alarm
Weaving in and out of strangers
Sprinting for the three or two
I’m always in a hurry here
Eating standing in the hallway
Feeling empty through and through

I’m three thousand miles
From you
Track Name: Weep Not
Weep not
Weep not for me

I am reading by the light
With a half-writ limerick in my lap
Weep not for me

Weep not
Weep not for me

I am talking with old friends
There’s a lot of lost-lost faces here
They are coming for tea

I’m finally free of pain and sorrow
So rise and dream about tomorrow

Write a funny rhyme for me
Tell a charming tale of me

Weep not
Weep not
Weep not for me
Track Name: Real Deal
Now it’s official and
your finger sports a little band
suspiciously like mine
I think it makes your eyes shine brighter
Just a little

Now we’re together so
it’s easier for us to show
it wasn’t just for now
nobody took a vow for practice
it’s the real deal

Now we’re united all
the papers filed at City Hall
commit us to a link
that’s harder than you’d think to sever
if we change our minds

Your mother smiles and cries
My brother rolls his eyes
Everyone says this is such a momentous occasion

But you know and I know
It felt like this long ago


Now all our friends have come
to wish us well
to share in some
libations and some laughs
to take some photographs for later
for remembering

Now we can celebrate
relax a bit, sit down, relate
some stories from before
what you said and wore the first time
that I knew I knew.

Now comes the hardest part, apparently
the heart-to-heart discussions in the night
some compromises, fights, and lonely days
it’s a lot of work

Your friend says, “don’t get mad,
but some days will be bad.
It’s not always easy you’re just at the very beginning.”

But you know, and I know
we started this long ago

Yeah you know
and I know
it felt like this long ago

Oh you know
and I know
It felt like love long ago.
Track Name: Pour Me a Drink
It has not been a banner day
Nothing’s gone even remotely my way
I got yelled at by my ex and I spilled coffee in my tea
I got out of bed on the wrong side
and dislocated my knee

Its been like this for so long
Seems the only way things go for me is wrong
I got stepped on by a stranger
I got ripped off by my bank
All my batteries corroded, my inflatable raft sank

Poor me. Poor me! Pour me a drink
Scotch or beer or whiskey or wine
Poor me Poor me Pour me a drink
With just a little tipple I’ll feel fine.

I’ve tried pleading I’ve tried prayin
but my bad luck has no interest in strayin
It has roosted in my attic
It dug holes across my yard
It turned all my cheeses moldy
it made all my pillows hard

So I’m feeling plenty low
I don’t think there’s any further down to go
And there’s no friendly voice to cheer me
calling on the telephone
There’s no lovin arms to hold me
I’m here moping all alone


Poor me. Poor me! Pour me a drink
Vodka or tequila with lime
Poor me poor me pour me a drink
With just a little tipple I’ll feel fine.

Now don’t worry that I’m blue
You’ve got plenty of better things to do
I can handle my recovery
for I’ve made the great discovery
of a stash of cash and open corner booth

I’ll be temperate, don’t you fret
I will barely let my gullet get wet
I’ll just sip refreshing tonics like recovering alcoholics
with a tiny splash of bourbon and vermouth

Poor me. Poor me! Pour me a drink
Scotch and beer and whiskey or wine...

Poor me. Poor me! Pour me a drink
Fill the liquor up to the line
With just a little tipple I’ll feel fine